Y’all Weren’t Going to Tell Me My Baby Was Ugly?
After 28 hours of labor and an extra week of pregnancy, I was exhausted. That extra week messed up all of my plans! Having a natural birth didn’t happen. My husband had to leave in less than 24 hours after I gave birth for work. My sisters that came to help, had to go home. Not to mention the lack of breastmilk for the first 48 hours. The only help I had was from my 60-year-old father-in-law who hasn’t dealt with babies in over 25 years. Moments like this made me wish my mother was still alive. The stress of the situation didn’t really give me a chance to embrace my baby and motherhood. I looked at my son, but I didn’t really look at my son.
When I finally got a moment to soak in motherhood and embrace my baby, I thought something was wrong. Why does he look so old? I read overdue babies sometimes look a little wrinkly, but this was looking a little extreme. I could have sworn I saw a 5 o’clock shadow. I started to wonder if the Curious Case of Benjamin Button was happening to my child. I sent a few pictures to family members and no one said anything that triggered a red flag. No one hit me with, “Oh, isn’t he just precious!” That’s code for your baby is ugly in the black culture. The only thing people told me was Congrats… So, was that code for your baby is ugly too? I asked God, “Why me?” I never talked bad about anyone’s child or a mother expecting. I didn’t want any parts of that bad juju or karma. I started taking pictures frantically, hoping that my eyes were deceiving me. Why didn’t anyone tell me my baby was ugly?
And then my little man cracked a smile! That smile was God telling me to chill. I felt a sense of peace come over me and my heart just melted. I told myself ugly or not I’m still gonna love this little man anyway. As time passed, his handsomeness blossomed and my anxiety subsided. I still waited a while to share my little man with others, just to make sure I wasn’t tripping. I didn’t want to play myself. Self-absorption got the best of me.
Comment Below: Have you had a moment like this? What did you do?