Y’all Weren’t Going to Tell Me My Baby Was Ugly?

After 28 hours of labor and an extra week of pregnancy, I was exhausted. That extra week messed up all of my plans! Having a natural birth didn’t happen. My husband had to leave in less than 24 hours after I gave birth for work. My sisters that came to help, had to go home. Not to mention the lack of breastmilk for the first 48 hours. The only help I had was from my 60-year-old father-in-law who hasn’t dealt with babies in over 25 years. Moments like this made me wish my mother was still alive. The stress of the situation didn’t really give me a chance to embrace my baby and motherhood. I looked at my son, but I didn’t really look at my son.

When I finally got a moment to soak in motherhood and embrace my baby, I thought something was wrong. Why does he look so old? I read overdue babies sometimes look a little wrinkly, but this was looking a little extreme. I could have sworn I saw a 5 o’clock shadow. I started to wonder if the Curious Case of Benjamin Button was happening to my child. I sent a few pictures to family members and no one said anything that triggered a red flag. No one hit me with, “Oh, isn’t he just precious!” That’s code for your baby is ugly in the black culture. The only thing people told me was Congrats… So, was that code for your baby is ugly too? I asked God, “Why me?”  I never talked bad about anyone’s child or a mother expecting. I didn’t want any parts of that bad juju or karma. I started taking pictures frantically, hoping that my eyes were deceiving me. Why didn’t anyone tell me my baby was ugly?

 

And then my little man cracked a smile! That smile was God telling me to chill. I felt a sense of peace come over me and my heart just melted. I told myself ugly or not I’m still gonna love this little man anyway. As time passed, his handsomeness blossomed and my anxiety subsided. I still waited a while to share my little man with others,  just to make sure I wasn’t tripping. I didn’t want to play myself. Self-absorption got the best of me.

Comment Below: Have you had a moment like this? What did you do?

COMMENTS
  • LaRonda

    REPLY

    I can’t wait to have my first kid!! I’m so anxious. To know what’s it’s gonna look like or what sexy it’s gona be… but with all of that… i need a man first lol !! Great post sis

    August 17, 2018
  • Keshia Jones

    REPLY

    I had those same moments 10 years ago. I was thinking “whewww my baby looks a little Alienated”… but over time she grew into a beautiful young lady. Now that same anxiety I had 10 years ago is coming again as I prepare to be a second time mommy. As mommies we all feel this way in some way or another.

    August 17, 2018
  • Aunt Patricia

    REPLY

    You are so funny!! My nephew was cute when he was born and still a handsome young man…….

    August 17, 2018
  • Nikita Richardson

    REPLY

    Thank you so much for this post. 😍

    August 17, 2018
  • Ashley

    REPLY

    Some people might take what you’re saying the wrong way but I absolutely get it! I thought my little girl looked like a boy when she was born lol! And she looked nothing like me. But of course her looks change almost daily & she’s prettier everyday

    August 17, 2018
  • Alondra

    REPLY

    I love this!! It’s so real. I actually go back and forth with this present-day. My baby (6mo old) has an issue with pics, and by that I mean she doesn’t take good ones…hardly ever. Makes me question her looks, Lord forgive me. It’s such a vain thing to waste thought over BUT I’d be lying if I said it didn’t worry me sometimes. But, like you, her smile is always reassuring. I see beauty when I look at her…but that camera’s saying something totally different. Lol. Truly enjoyed this read!! Hope all is well with you, Liz.

    August 18, 2018
  • Maurice Williams

    REPLY

    Thank you Eli for sharing this story for it will help so many around the world whom comes across. These feelings not only plague women but also us men and have us doubting our Queens even if we know she would never betray us. I think it could be just an anxious parent thing, my baby color didn’t break for months and I was almost convinced, “yep she went out when I was overseas and found a white or Hispanic guy” of course I never said it but until I saw a glimpse of me in my baby I had that thought in the back of my mind. Even thoe it took months for the color to come God had his ways and within a week the bridge in the nose started to form, the eyes started to squint, and god that smile you spoke of will melt the thickest I’ve glacier in the polar caps. I’m find comfort in knowing I’m not the only one whom deals with this but mother’s also have these feelings. For us men we feel bad to mention it because we don’t want to make an already tired and stressed out mother feel as if she did something wrong. Thank you for sharing and I look forward to reading as life goes on. You and Mikey’s friend forever X-ray

    August 18, 2018
  • Tamara

    REPLY

    Thanks for sharing your truth. It is a beautiful and heartfelt story. My nephew is super handsome and very smart!! I am so proud of the example you set as a wife, mother, sister and friend!! You rock LizLove!!

    August 18, 2018
  • Kiara

    REPLY

    When Miles was born my mother was very honest with me about his looks and I struggled for just a small moment but I embraced my sweet boy and I thought “all babies look interesting when they are first born” and like you Miles blossomed to what I thought was standard. But who am I kidding he has always been a cutie. I think we get so wrapped up in what’s beautiful and what’s not. True he didn’t come out looking like the next GAP baby but he was mines and that’s all that mattered. Now can’t nobody tell me nothing. I love everything about his face. Love your transparency.

    August 18, 2018
  • Shenita Lobley

    REPLY

    This article is so relatable. It took me on a emotional roller coaster LOL. I wish people were more honest about their experiences after having a child.

    August 18, 2018
  • Courtney

    REPLY

    I randomly look back at both my kids pictures all the time.
    The first question that pops in my head is … who is this child? I think its not that they are funny looking, its just that they do not look anything like the baby that we birth.

    August 24, 2018
  • Christine T

    REPLY

    Yes!!! I’ve been there 2x with the same child:) when she was born her head was inflated and face a smashed. I was so confused. It took months for me to not think she was funny looking. I never articulated it but in my head I had plenty of conversations. She is now 18 & stunning… P.S. your little guy is handsome

    November 18, 2018
  • Tasha

    REPLY

    Girl, this baby is gorgeous! LOL I wish I could show you newborn pics of my son! But I didnt take any because he was hideous! LMAO He was white as notebook paper, had a receding hair line with a HUMONGOUS head, and had extremely wrinkly dry skin. He then got cradle cap and the litte hair he had fell out! My brother nicknamed him Baby Beluga, as in the white whale with the big hump on its head! He ended up with infant acne (no, no one kissed my baby in the face, not even me) and developed eczema! Chile.. However, I am proud to say at 11, he is a handsome boy with a head full of thick curly hair. Still has eczema but it is minimal, well controlled, and has left no scars! So enjoy this journey! It will be hilarious in hindsight.

    November 23, 2018
POST A COMMENT