It was the middle of the summer when I decided to go on a short-term mission trip to Lima, Peru. It seemed like anything that could keep me from going, happened! For a moment I wasn’t sure if I would be able to go. But I had an amazing support system that kept me lifted and by the grace of God I was able to travel to South America.
I arrived in Lima, Peru excited to be out of the U.S. but even more excited to see how God will work in the communities that we would serve. The experience was life-changing! On the last day of the mission trip, everyone shared their experiences and how much their lives had changed. As I sat there listening to their stories, a feeling of emptiness came over me. I didn’t have any experiences that were exclusively my own. It left me thinking, didn’t know who I was? Did I really have a sense of self?
Days prior to leaving, I felt like I couldn’t hold a conversation without bringing up my husband and son. I know you are probably thinking “that’s normal”. Talking about them, gave me a sense of security. When I elevated my husband and his knowledge of scripture or threw in a joke about my small child, I began to notice that very little of me was present; it was then I knew that my identity was in them and not in Christ. As I sat in the airport, the wells of my eyes filled with tears because I lost the Kiara I once knew.
How did I get here? For so long I put everyone before me. I wasn’t practicing proper self-care. If ‘my guys’ were alright then I was alright, so I thought. For so long I stood in the shadow of my husband and son. After I dried my tears, I decided from that day forward I would invest in myself. In the years to follow, I would experience new things. It didn’t matter if I hated what I was doing, I was just thankful that I was experiencing something for me.
It’s bizarre but beautiful how the Lord allowed me to get on a plane travel across the world to realize that I had somehow lost my identity in my family but assured me that my identity is in Him. I am grateful for the time spent in Lima, Peru but I am even more grateful for what God revealed to me. I found Ruth.
Comment Below: Have you had a similar experience? What was your “aha moment”?