EditorialY’all Weren’t Going to Tell Me My Baby Was Ugly?

Y’all Weren’t Going to Tell Me My Baby Was Ugly?

After 28 hours of labor and an extra week of pregnancy, I was exhausted. That extra week messed up all of my plans! Having a natural birth didn’t happen. My husband had to leave in less than 24 hours after I gave birth for work. My sisters that came to help, had to go home. Not to mention the lack of breastmilk for the first 48 hours. The only help I had was from my 60-year-old father-in-law who hasn’t dealt with babies in over 25 years. Moments like this made me wish my mother was still alive. The stress of the situation didn’t really give me a chance to embrace my baby and motherhood. I looked at my son, but I didn’t really look at my son.

When I finally got a moment to soak in motherhood and embrace my baby, I thought something was wrong. Why does he look so old? I read overdue babies sometimes look a little wrinkly, but this was looking a little extreme. I could have sworn I saw a 5 o’clock shadow. I started to wonder if the Curious Case of Benjamin Button was happening to my child. I sent a few pictures to family members and no one said anything that triggered a red flag. No one hit me with, “Oh, isn’t he just precious!” That’s code for your baby is ugly in the black culture. The only thing people told me was Congrats… So, was that code for your baby is ugly too? I asked God, “Why me?”  I never talked bad about anyone’s child or a mother expecting. I didn’t want any parts of that bad juju or karma. I started taking pictures frantically, hoping that my eyes were deceiving me. Why didn’t anyone tell me my baby was ugly?

And then my little man cracked a smile! That smile was God telling me to chill. I felt a sense of peace come over me and my heart just melted. I told myself ugly or not I’m still gonna love this little man anyway. As time passed, his handsomeness blossomed and my anxiety subsided. I still waited a while to share my little man with others,  just to make sure I wasn’t tripping. I didn’t want to play myself. Self-absorption got the best of me.

Comment Below: Have you had a moment like this? What did you do?

21 Comments

  • LaRonda

    I can’t wait to have my first kid!! I’m so anxious. To know what’s it’s gonna look like or what sexy it’s gona be... but with all of that... i need a man first lol !! Great post sis

    • Elizabeth

      Thanks Sis! Having a child gives life a different meaning. When you have the right person to share that moment with, it makes it even more magical.

  • Keshia Jones

    I had those same moments 10 years ago. I was thinking “whewww my baby looks a little Alienated”... but over time she grew into a beautiful young lady. Now that same anxiety I had 10 years ago is coming again as I prepare to be a second time mommy. As mommies we all feel this way in some way or another.

  • Aunt Patricia

    You are so funny!! My nephew was cute when he was born and still a handsome young man.......

  • Nikita Richardson

    Thank you so much for this post. 😍

    • Elizabeth

      Thank you for checking it out! If only people knew what mothers deal with mentally.

  • Ashley

    Some people might take what you’re saying the wrong way but I absolutely get it! I thought my little girl looked like a boy when she was born lol! And she looked nothing like me. But of course her looks change almost daily & she’s prettier everyday

    • Elizabeth

      Thank you for getting it! I know your little one is absolutely beautiful.

  • Alondra

    I love this!! It’s so real. I actually go back and forth with this present-day. My baby (6mo old) has an issue with pics, and by that I mean she doesn’t take good ones...hardly ever. Makes me question her looks, Lord forgive me. It’s such a vain thing to waste thought over BUT I’d be lying if I said it didn’t worry me sometimes. But, like you, her smile is always reassuring. I see beauty when I look at her...but that camera’s saying something totally different. Lol. Truly enjoyed this read!! Hope all is well with you, Liz.

    • Elizabeth

      Its not vain at all! We simply want the best for our little ones in every area. Thanks for checking it out. Just know you aren't alone.

  • Maurice Williams

    Thank you Eli for sharing this story for it will help so many around the world whom comes across. These feelings not only plague women but also us men and have us doubting our Queens even if we know she would never betray us. I think it could be just an anxious parent thing, my baby color didn’t break for months and I was almost convinced, “yep she went out when I was overseas and found a white or Hispanic guy” of course I never said it but until I saw a glimpse of me in my baby I had that thought in the back of my mind. Even thoe it took months for the color to come God had his ways and within a week the bridge in the nose started to form, the eyes started to squint, and god that smile you spoke of will melt the thickest I’ve glacier in the polar caps. I’m find comfort in knowing I’m not the only one whom deals with this but mother’s also have these feelings. For us men we feel bad to mention it because we don’t want to make an already tired and stressed out mother feel as if she did something wrong. Thank you for sharing and I look forward to reading as life goes on. You and Mikey’s friend forever X-ray

    • Elizabeth

      I could help but chuckle a little while reading this. I really appreciate the male perspective on this topic. Sometimes it so hard to talk about because you don't want to come off as vain or doubting your own genetics. Stay Blessed Man! And for the record, your little ones are beautiful.

  • Tamara

    Thanks for sharing your truth. It is a beautiful and heartfelt story. My nephew is super handsome and very smart!! I am so proud of the example you set as a wife, mother, sister and friend!! You rock LizLove!!

    • Elizabeth

      Thanks LS! I’m so humbled. With great women like you in my life, it inspires and pushes me to be better.

  • Kiara

    When Miles was born my mother was very honest with me about his looks and I struggled for just a small moment but I embraced my sweet boy and I thought “all babies look interesting when they are first born” and like you Miles blossomed to what I thought was standard. But who am I kidding he has always been a cutie. I think we get so wrapped up in what’s beautiful and what’s not. True he didn’t come out looking like the next GAP baby but he was mines and that’s all that mattered. Now can’t nobody tell me nothing. I love everything about his face. Love your transparency.

    • Elizabeth

      I love your word choice. Interesting is exactly the word I wish I could have used at that time. Our little men are so handsome! I can’t wait to see their growth.

  • Shenita Lobley

    This article is so relatable. It took me on a emotional roller coaster LOL. I wish people were more honest about their experiences after having a child.

    • Elizabeth

      Thanks for checking it out! I hope this post will help encourage others to be more transparent with their experiences.

  • Courtney

    I randomly look back at both my kids pictures all the time. The first question that pops in my head is ... who is this child? I think its not that they are funny looking, its just that they do not look anything like the baby that we birth.

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